England Squad Whispers, Express Headline Chaos, and the Rice Positioning Puzzle

The great theatre of England's World Cup squad selection continues to unfold, with Important Journalists receiving special whispers about Thomas Tuchel's 55-man provisional list—leaks, we're assured, they absolutely are not.

The semantic distinction is rather clever, if you squint at it. Tuchel's squad hasn't been publicly released, but somehow the nation's press corps knows all about it anyway. Not through leaks, mind you. Through whispers. The distinction matters terribly to those in the know, apparently.

John Cross at the Mirror has been particularly animated on the subject, declaring with the certainty of a man who definitely has inside information that Myles Lewis-Skelly simply must be on Tuchel's longlist. The thing is, when you're dealing with a 55-man roster, it's rather difficult to generate genuine controversy. Tuchel has selected just 51 different players throughout his England tenure to date. Given that some of those are now sidelined through injury, have hung up their boots, or been quietly shown the door, the prospect of an in-form player he's previously called upon missing out hardly warrants the hand-wringing.

Cross's squad ratings prove particularly amusing—a granular numerical system that somehow sees Jordan Pickford and Harry Kane merit perfect 10/10 marks, while Declan Rice scrapes by with a mere 9/10. The methodology remains mysterious.

There's also the matter of the Daily Express accidentally falling for their own headline tricks. They published: "The 51 players Thomas Tuchel has called up for England as he submits World Cup squad." The content itself was reasonable enough—listing the 51 previously selected players as context for the 55-man provisional squad makes sense. But the headline, constructed with that classic cut-and-shut "as," heavily implies Tuchel has now named a 51-man squad. One of their own journalists read this, made precisely the error the headline invited, and then cited the piece while making that very mistake. The Express had successfully deceived themselves with their own sh*thouse construction.

Speaking of sh*thouse headlines, the Daily Mail's coverage of last night's Championship play-off clash between Southampton and Middlesbrough somehow managed to cram an entire story into a single headline: "Roy Keane's future son-in-law is accused of 'discriminatory' language by opponent as Southampton beat Middlesbrough in heated clash to reach play-off final amid Spygate scandal." There's no room to actually name Taylor Harwood-Bellis, of course. He's simply Roy Keane's future son-in-law now—that's his professional identity locked in for eternity.

Now to the Rice business. Arsenal announced on Monday morning that Jakub Kiwior's loan move to Porto had been made permanent. Porto confirmed this nearly a week prior, but the Gunners themselves only got around to officially confirming it in a routine loan watch update rather than a proper farewell announcement. Two days later, one outlet deployed this as the basis for a headline suggesting Rice faced the chop: "Arsenal news: First summer transfer announced as Declan Rice faces being sacrificed."

The Rice "sacrifice"? Paul Scholes reckons the midfielder should operate out of position at right-back for the remainder of the season following Ben White's knee injury. That's it. That's the entire substance of the claim.

The wait for England's final 26-man squad continues. The whispers, however, will not stop.